Thanks for the encouragement from some of the iLand friends.  Finally I could take some time to write again...

What is the meaning of “sense of belonging”?  Is it a sense that we give ourselves or someone else gives to us? 

Remembered hearing this statement "a community gives us the sense of belonging".   We live together, we share everything we owe, we give in to each other, and we take each other for granted.  We love each other, we argue with each other, we hurt each other, and we reconcile every time. 

Sometimes even when I am alone, I also feel this sense of belonging.  Especially when I quiet myself down, hearing my breath and heartbeat.  I feel the energy flow within my body, the blood flows.  I sense the belonging, the belonging in the silence and to be with myself.   Do I really need a community in order for me to feel that sense? 

I am afraid to be hurt, so afraid, and later I learnt not to trust everyone.  Everyone I meet seem not sincere not true, hypocrites.  They just always wish to take but not give.  When I was down, I talked to my friends, they nodded their heads but they did not understand my problems.  They make me feel I am the problem and I am the cause of every problem.  I decided not to discuss about my problem because I did not receive that “sense of belonging”.  I realized that they just wanted to “steal happy” instead of “sharing my sorrows”.   No one really cares how I feel, how I live and what I say.  They only want to make fun of me and to mock me.  Is this really a sense I deserve?   I begin to drift away from this community and speak lesser with this group because these people do not realize how they behave, where they fail to give me that sense of belonging.

For this moment, I really couldn’t find anyone here could give me this sense.  Perhaps I see it so clearly.   Though they were taught to be selfless, to be loving, to be understanding, to be humble, to be kind and nice, they seems not trying to be.  Maybe it applies to a common saying: “they are human beings”.  Human is selfish, not so loving, they do not seem to understand but only pretend to be.  They try so hard to be humble and kind, however their ego and evil deeply sip in their personality. Even though how hard they try to change themselves, they won’t be able to attain what they learnt.  Hence, no one could ever give anyone that “sense of belonging”. 

In my opinion that “sense of belonging” is an individual gives to himself or herself.  As long as one would live joyfully everyday, complete the tasks drop on the lap without hurting anyone. I would consider that is the sense that one should feel, the “sense of satisfaction” of being where we are.